Balle Kumar's Universe Vol 1 Read online

  Tourist

  Tourist: Is there any lodge here?

  Villager: Don't worry us will parcel you out to all houses.

  Tourist: What?

  Villager: I mean you can choose any house to stay. You will eventually end up at one place.

  Tourist: Where?

  Villager: In all of our hearts or a little below. Silly!!

  Tourist: Ok!! What attractions you have in the village?

  Villager: Zoo!!

  Tourist: You have a zoo. What animals you have there?

  Villager: 500 dogs and one chicken

  Tourist: Is the chicken alive?

  Villager: You think like the dogs do. Are you related? No of course the chicken is not real. It is a remote control car shaped like chicken to keep the dogs busy. We don't want competitors you see.

  Tourist: It seems like that we are in a zoo already. Anything else?

  Villager: You missed the Sibling Marriage Festival.

  Tourist: What is that?

  Villager: Boy!! Seeing it should be every dying man's last wish. It is that time of the year when people who share the same room start sharing the same bed. You know what I mean, don't you?

  Tourist: You are funny.

  Villager: Once we were all serious but then we sacrificed a comedian and then our gods blessed us with his funny bone.

  Tourist: Oh boy!! Stop it. Is there anything else to see?

  Villager: Yes you can visit the SheepMan.

  Tourist: What?

   

  Villager: Well half sheep and half man and he has a movie explaining how it all happened. You pay for the tour and the movie is free. You get lamb chops while seeing the movie. Absolutely free! Of course you get an hour with sheep. Unsupervised!!

  Tourist: No I am not in to sheep.

  Villager: We love animals and so we never eat them. Animals are for pleasure, you see. How did you land up here?

  Tourist: I took the wrong turn.

  Villager: No you took the right turn.

  Tourist: No wrong turn.

  Villager: I mean the right turn from the highway lands you up here.

  Tourist: So how do you earn your livelihood?

  Villager: Tourism

  Tourist: But I can't see any.

  Villager: Can't you see yourself?

  Tourist: I mean any other tourist.

  Villager: They are all resting in peace.

  Tourist: What?

  Villager: I mean they all left. This is an off season. No hunting.

  Tourist: Ok!!

  Villager: How much would that watch sell for?

  Tourist: I don't want to sell it.

  Villager: But if someone wants to sell it. Say you disappear without a trace and just assume I get this watch. What should I get?

  Tourist: Boy!! You are creepy. Show me where I would be put up!!

  Villager: Relax I was just kidding. No one would buy such a cheap watch.

  Tourist: It's a costly watch; it will sell for a thousand bucks.

  Villager: Great!! I won't sell it though. I will keep it as a souvenir.

  Tourist: Boy!! I am hungry.

  Villager: We all are hungry too. Now you are here. We can all start cooking.

  Tourist: WAIT!! Are you all cannibals?

  Villager: No we are not. We are liars though.

  Tourist: Ok!!

  Villager: Would you like to eat potatoes and eggs? You need to stuff yourself.

  Tourist: No I am on dieting.

  Villager: You know there is a saying in my village “One man's dieting is another man's starving"

  Tourist: What does that mean?

  Villager: Nothing, nothing at all. The saying been around for centuries and we just say it.

  Tourist: I don't see any schools.

  Villager: Yes we send our children to the city to study so that they can bring their friends for LUNCHHHH.

  Tourist: No hospitals too!!

  Villager: We eat healthy!! Do you have any medical conditions that we are aware of? Though we have many good cooks who handle any kind of conditions.

  Tourist: Heh!! I am a tourist, do I need to tell you anything at all to stay here.

  Villager: Come on!! We don't want you to infect us with anything.

  Tourist: No I don't have anything.

  Villager (STARTS SHOUTING): HE IS CLEAN, COME OUT ALL OF YOU.

  (ALL THE VILLAGE PEOPLE COME OUT WITH KNIVES AND OUR TOURIST MANAGES TO RUN, that is how we know his story)