Balle Kumar's Universe Vol 1 Read online



  Contents

  A Couple Fights2

  Tourist 6

  Doctors and Kidney 9

  Insurance Agent 12

  Beggar 16

  Superhero Sushi Man 18

  Conversation with God 24

  Banker27

  Forgetful Husband29

  30

  31

  A Couple Fights

  Wife: You told me before our marriage that you would respect my dad

  Husband: I said I would give him the respect he deserves!

  Wife: "Hi Homeless" is not way of greeting my dad!

  Husband: He lost his job at Home Depot and so I just wanted to cheer him up by saying something funny

  Wife: He took an offence

  Husband:  I guessed so when he decided to stay in MY house for an unspecified amount of time

  Wife: He is MY father!!

  Husband:  Don't be so sure!

  Wife: What have you got against him?

  Husband: Nothing at all. He called the cops on me when I went to him to duplicate the keys. The keys to my house!!

  Wife: But it was written on the keys "Do Not Duplicate"

  Husband: What about the time when he didn't ring those items purposefully when he was working as a cashier.

  Wife: He didn't do that on purpose

  Husband: The only time he didn't do something on purpose led to your birth

  Wife: Now you have a problem with me being born!

  Husband: Not exactly, I love the fact that you were born and used to cry all night and give your parents sleepless nights. I have a problem with the day we met.

  Wife: Why?

  Husband: You told me that you will love me till the end of the world and you stopped loving me the minute we came out of the Disney World.

  Wife: You could have asked me to elaborate. But you are stupid, you paid a lump sum amount to buy plot on moon!

  Husband: I bought it because he told me that he is your father's friend!

  Wife: Now don't bring MY father in it

  Husband: Why not? I applied glue on the money that I gave to his friend and we saw your father with a dollar attached to each of his nineteen fingers.

  Wife: Nineteen Fingers!!

  Husband: Don't forget his legs.

  Wife: Yes but his index finger didn't have anything attached.

  Husband: Now don't ask me where it is always.

  Wife: He said that he was trying to get a candy for a teenager and the teenager played a prank on him.

  Husband: That was a hooker!

  Wife: My father is a real gentle guy.

  Husband: Not with the hooker. 

  Wife: So you talked with the hooker.

  Husband: So your father did go to one!

  Wife: No I didn't admit that

  Husband: So it’s true and you don't want to admit it. 

  Wife: He would never cheat on my mother.

  Husband: Anyone who is married to your mother should be given the legal right to cheat.

  Wife: What so you have against my mother?

  Husband: Nothing, actually nothing other than fact that she ran away with my father.

  Wife: Your father charmed my mother.

  Husband: Why was she only interested in women before?

  Wife: How are you sure about it?

  Husband: It is because your father used to sleep in evening gown saying that is your Scottish tradition.

  Wife: No he didn't

  Husband: He lied to you that Santa kept the wedding gown as a Christmas gift. He bought it; he slept in it and gave it to you saying it’s from Santa. 

  Wife: How do you know that?

  Husband: Your mother told to my father and my father told that to the neighbor who told me.

  Wife: So you believe your neighbor more than me

  Husband: Yes he is a guy and you are a girl, I trust a guy more

  Wife: Then why didn't you marry one.

  Husband: My neighbor refused, he said Christians don't do it so this openly

  Wife: So you and Stan...

  Husband: It was just a thought, we never did anything crazy.

  Wife: The real reason is that you are not Stan's type

  Husband: Now how do you know that?

  Wife: He is my friend, he told me that

  Husband: Come to think of it, how come all my friends were you boyfriends. Why did you choose to marry me?

  Wife: Because I got syphilis from my last boyfriend and I wanted to contain it and so I married you.

  Husband: And I blamed my dog for it and wasted a bullet. You know how much a bullet cost?

  Wife: I am sure it’s more than your salary

  Husband: Don't go on my pay. I at least have a job.

  Wife: Yes your boss was the boyfriend who gave me syphilis. He keeps you because he feels sorry for you.

  Husband: Oh!! I didn't know that he feels sorry for anyone

  Wife: Yes he is very sensitive, especially at some places

  Husband: Yes you said to me before you have been to places. I didn't know the places are confined to a human body.

  Wife: I never said that!

  Husband: That was on your Dating Site profile

  Wife: That was written by my gay friend Steve. I would break the heart of the boys he finds cute and then he would seduce them.

  Husband: Then why didn't you break my heart

  Wife: Steve found you repulsive too

  Husband: So even your profile was not written by you.

  Wife: People do things for beautiful people. You might have never been anywhere near anyone and you would not know.

  Husband: People do things to beautiful people too. 

  Wife: And beautiful people like it.

  Husband: If you think you are beautiful then you are for sure delusional

  Wife: Why don’t you divorce me then?

  Husband: Because my brother will marry you?

  Wife: Why? Does he like me?

  Husband: He usually likes to ‘do’ what I ‘do’. Like he used to pee in the same place I peed till we were teens.

  Wife: Oh!! Disgusting!

  Husband: See I work at Facebook Security

  Wife: Yes building security

  Husband: Yes even he joined there as one.

  Wife: So there is only one option for you and that is to love me

  Husband: Yes

   

  (They both start kissing each other as if nothing happened)